I'm kind of a big deal...

Ja nee

2009-10-20T23:32:00.000-07:00

Wtf? Where am i?

I’m back, well sort of, k, its not like anyone reads this shit anyway.

A lot has happened. Evidently.

Baby has popped. Lil D is three months old. Imagine that!

She is fat,really.. I think she have problems.

The birth was an anti-climax. I had images of crippling pain that would bring me to my knees, sweating and panting through contractions.

Err
Nope.
Nothing….

I spent my entire labour or well the time in the anti-natal ward on Mxit and Facebook, while making notes of everything that happened. Painful. Yes but not unbearable.

Nurses kept mocking me, Told me to pretend to be in labour since I acted so casual. Was wheeled into labour ward at 07:00 am and baby was out by 07:09am. Yes that quick!

I now believe that as women we determine how our labour is gona be, If you gona bitch and moan about the pain, that’s exactly how it gona be.

Maybe the raspberry leaf tea I was downing at regular intervals helped but wateva my labour was relatively easy. And No, not even that will make me want another one. HELL no! I ain’t putting my body through that again, but having said that: I JUST LOVE MY LIL GIRL, she is just gorgeous. GOD IS GOOD.

Why my brother is my BFF

2009-02-20T00:37:00.000-08:00

yes my BFF..i stil use those terms.

Found this in my lil bros journal. i guess it was intentionally placed on his memory card for me to read..

18-02-2009

Aaaah how the days go by so quick hey. Hi my name is Gerard and Iam here to express who Iam.

Few days ago my sister told me that she is pregnant…..mmmm damn how many thoughts ran through my mind, didn’t know what too think, was sad confused and disappointed in a way, I cant explain. When she told me, everything stood in slow mo and the things she did came to sense, I know she was acting different and all that but I never would have thought she pregnant. Always checked nah it just D**** giving her grieve for a while , O how a poes I felt when I always was the initiator for her to do something come the weekend I understand now only…. I know I can make up for not being supportive and there for her.

Iam gonna do everything in my power and what I can do for my sister , I might lack the age but I know her road gonna be a hard one due to our family that is full of comments and nope not talking about my close family but the family that come once a year to devour what we have. What shocks me is that fact my mother is taking this like its a new born of hers , I truly watch them talk and I sit there with a half a smile and a bomb going off in my head. I take it my mother knew what was coming…it the only way.

G***** told me that mama had a dream of father holding a baby….
A blessing I say. I just want the child too be brought up in a family that has strength and devine power for this is what we have gained after the years . The baby has be our start, a new start maybe for some good the baby might,,, wait… gonna bring us closer together, G***** the first too carry on my fathers legacy. I thank her for this and stand tall as I can say the blood and flesh shall be born pure with a confidence of G****** and the soft heart of D*****.

I can only look back and wonder why didn’t I pick up the signs before?? Guess it was not my time yet or just that I really didn’t take notice, whatever the reason I know what I have to do. Be with my sister and show her just how much I care and adore her for the woman she has come, went passed my expectations, she’s a star in her own right yep she is……

Iam gonna let my sister read this and when she gets too this point I hope she smiling atleast ….This is just the beginning of my dairy and the next time I write iam taking it back too my childhood…………Nuthing shall forestall my return.

How i really feel

2009-02-19T03:37:00.000-08:00

[**Disclaimer**] Ok, so that is the whiner in me, complaining again. I knew what I was getting myself in to. So now its time to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and deal with it! Right? Fuck I’ve never needed a shot of Captain this bad before!

“You see what love does G” said my mom to me the other night. She couldn’t be more right. It’s all the Hulks fault anyway. Stupid man!

---------
The benefits on the whole blog experience is the it allows for totally honesty, well that’s if u want it to be, for me it is. No one besides my best mate has read these thoughts, thank goodness for that in fact. Because this words would never be said anywhere else.

Words can flow right through me, I’m good at it, I just can’t right now, I need some inspiration and no the baby isn’t enough. This baby can’t be all that there is too me right now. Is it? I need to write , I need to express myself but I can’t. I just can’t.

That’s a sad realization. Do I, as a women, just give up my identify and become a mother. Is the transformation that evident? It seems to be all I think about, all I discuss, this really can’t be the only thing defining my existence at the moment?

I feel like I’m waiting in limbo till this whole ghastly (yes ghastly) experience of pregnancy is over. I never ever intend to be in this situation again. Oh , I know women say that all the time, but I mean it! Whole heartily! Images of blissful, happy contempt pregnant women is a lie, really it is, print media have deceived us again! Pregnancy is really a horrible experience. The sickness, to the pain , to the uncomfort. Everything.

Oh , I comfort myself by the belief that it will all be worth it! In the end, but unfortunately that end is over 5 months away, and that is a long time.

I was so ignorant. My older wiser self mocks me. I thought I could do this, I can’t. In fact I don’t want too.

4 months and counting

2009-02-04T22:12:00.000-08:00

I'm just about sure Ima be typing this and shedding at tear.

Yes I’m girl like that.

Sometimes life and the people that occupy it with you, surprise you ,and that love really does make everything just ok.

Oh god! I’m starting already, eyes swelling up.

Breathe.

My family knows about my pregnancy, and they support me. Shocking.
And my mom, well I love that women.

She figured it out. Damn her, and just asked me, and we spoke it out.. She cried , I cried. We hugged.

And then suddenly my belly just popped out more.

She told me my dad told her in her dreams, and well I believe that completely.
Oooh and well the Hulk, he ain’t getting it easy, he tried talking to my mom, she threw him with a brick. That attempt wasn’t successful. I feel for him, he has a lot to prove to her now.

“You see the character of a man”, in situations like this, my older sister told me, and I guess she’s right. No one is pressurizing me to get married to him; I know that we will eventually, it’s just a matter of us proving that we dedicated to each other and the baby.

Interesting point

2009-01-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Lee-Anne, Vuyo and the SABC ,

With regard to the letter read out by yourselves 2 days ago from the Hispanic American lady regarding the origins of Barrack Obama and his race group, I think she has a point.

Barrack Obama and Lewis Hamilton are a mixed race between a white mother and a black father thus making them in South Africa a coloured male, however this is not the case.

Too often is the coloured population disregarded as an authentic race in South Africa, and who gave the black population the right to adopt us as their own, when it conveniently benefits them. I deal a lot with the state in terms of business and to register with the state one has to fill out entity forms which has a column for EE. This column clearly requires one to identify yourself in terms of racial group: I for Indian, C for Coloured, B for Black and W for White and probably soon they will put CH for Chinese. When one goes to the police station to report a crime one has to clearly stipulate which racial group was the perpertrator, then why is it that we differ for convenience. When Chester Williams, Breyton Paulse and Brian Habana won the South African Rugby Player of the year awards they were branded as blacks as well as when Brian Habana won the world player of the year award. So in essence no black man has won the rugby player of the year award yet!!!

The coloured and black populations in SA are clearly 2 different race groups in terms of values, culture, etc. We even have different diets, we still enjoy our koeksisters on Sunday mornings. Even a Chinese person who arrived in SA 2 months ago will distinguish the difference. Maybe we are branded black because the Chinese people for BBBEE purposes need to be branded Coloured. The only bond between us is one of inception which happened 300 years ago and even then it was between 2 racial groups, so why don’t they call us whites as some of us are whiter than the whites. Some of us are the mixture of Indian and Coloured, Indian and White, Coloured and White, Coloured and Chinese, Chinese and Chinese and so on.
The coloured man has achieved much recently and should be credited for his achievements. The Brazilian soccer team are mostly coloured folks, the Botswana president is coloured, Lewis Hamilton is coloured and the most powerful man in the world, Barrack Obama, is coloured. If the ANC got their act together they could have a coloured man who can lead them with integrity, vision and great leadership, namely Trevor Manual.

If the entire world has realized that a coloured man can lead them forward don’t you think it’s time for the SABC to at least put one coloured on morning live during the week. I’ve watched your show since its inception and as much as you preach rainbow nation, its still black and white. If Lee-Anne resigns she will be replaced by another white person, If Vuyo resigns he too will be replaced with a black person and this has been happening for years. Even the weather desk, economics desk and sports desk are the same. Almost 90% of your adverts are black and white. On one occasion your TV license guys turned up at my door and asked why I didn’t pay to which I responded “ I bought a color TV and only see black and white on it” Why don’t you have all four races represented in the morning? It becomes very difficult for me to explain to my sons why you people have such disregard for his race group and a race group that I am proud of and this being the motive for the letter. I’m sure you don’t call a Jewish man a Palestinian although they are cousins both coming from Abraham so why then make this convenient error with us. We are 2 different race groups.

We live in a country where it feels as if someone waved a magic wand and everybody forgot that there are coloured people living here. Please don’t forget to take the Brazilian team to visit their brothers in Eldorado Park, Wentworth and Manenburg when they jet in for the Confederation Cup and World Cup as the only place famous people are taken to is Soweto. Maybe also have a good look at them and try to see the difference, you will be astonished.

Concerned coloured,

ima fader

2009-01-12T05:39:00.001-08:00

oh yes i am,

Christmas and New Years has come and gone, everything is back to normal, yes the Hulk has become more annoying, ( i swear ima spit out alil green baby) and i have yet to spill the beans to my Momma...

I'm scared shitless ok..

Beating my momma

2008-12-10T01:46:00.000-08:00

So me moms is bitter, always had been, always will.

So I’ve come to the conclusion that If I want to have a good festive this year, I mustn’t upset her.

Yes.

Last year December we never spoke, can’t recall why, but she pissed me off for some reason, and I just never engaged in conversation till like Christmas Eve, where we were both civil enough to let it slide, and then in March for my birthday, she f***d that up for me as well. Never spoke for weeks too. And subsequently because we weren’t speaking I never told her about the Hulk proposing to me, and she found out waya waya, and freaked out, but hey,that’s a hole different story.

Then I had a shitty Easter because she did sum shit to f*** it up.

But it’s ok that’s just her.

And since I’m planting the mother of all bombs after new year’s, look Ma: I’m pregnant! I’ve decided not to react negatively to anything she does. Because despite the fact that our lives haven’t been the same since my dad passed, I ACTUALLY love Christmas. I do, everything about it!

It’s just different from any other holiday..more so ,, I love the atmosphere.

The vibe, the feeling of it.

Lights , Christmas trees, decorations,food ,the new clothes, the prezzies, all of that.

And this year, I just want to enjoy! I think I deserve that!

I don’t doubt my mother’s intelligence for a second. We have been having odd conversations later. About pregnancy and birth, a lot. And she asked me jokily Monday evening if I’m pregnant, because I mentioned to her I was sick. I just quickly diverted that conversation by giving her chocolate.

mmmmm

I’m two months already, and I nearly died of slow poison by having to undress in front of her, we shared a dressing room in some department store, while looking for outfits for a wedding we going too. And our intention is to be better dressed than the bride, yes that’s how we roll. It’s disturbing how similar we are, maybe that’s why we can’t stand each other.

Err off topic, anyway I don’t think she noticed anything, I’m not even showing yet, but maybe shes picking up on vibes, I don’t know.

Hope not!

Just this once I hope her “momma” psych ain’t working…she can’t beat me again!

Well, no one said it would be easy....

2008-12-09T00:35:00.000-08:00

I’ve been living my secret hell (yes a hell) for a while now..the family doesn’t know yet, I figured I’d let my peeps have a good festive,, then spill d beans in the new year,, yes , I is pregnant.

Il prob get yelled at, get called some censored names, get a bitchslap, and then get put out..

Ahh fun, can’t wait. Well my intention is to move out anyways, can’t have alil bambino all up in my moms space. That just won’t work.

Then the alternative is living with the Hulk,,errr , the Hulk, well I don’t know if I can do that. The Hulk is lazy, and spoilt. I know this, love his bums anyway but I’ve seen it! Was never really an issue to me before, but it will be now, if I live with him.

Mmm

We should get married.

We will. Eventually. No rush. Really!

So my point is, I love him!

Wait no, that’s not the point.

I don’t have one for this post, but I’m doing this for him anyway, the whole baby thing, he wants one, so there u go Hulk, look at that.. a baby!

I guess he sort of makes it worthwhile, the sickness, and how happy he gets when he talks about it, and how his super nice, and spoils me more now. Makes me feel special.. Well he always did, but just more now, I see it when he looks at me. It’s just different.

Saturday night, he got all emotional.. well I think its was just because he was drunk, but I was dying, crouching my stomach, laying in the fetal position. Oh the pain, and he came up to lay behind me, and kept on babbling, I was just about ready to kick him in the groin, but then he went on to say how happy he is that his having a child with the women he loves, and that his gona make me so proud one day.

Then I cried.

Coz it was so sweet, and genuine.

Then he wiped my tears away.

So maybe being sick right about now ain’t such a bad thing, and maybe this kid ain’t such a bad thing either.

.................

2008-11-26T23:58:00.000-08:00

I’ve been quiet. On this blog. Could be many reasons. The novelty wearing off maybe?? Its d holiday season,-not having time??

Nah, basically I’ve just been lazy.

There is kinda alot going on hey, quite enough for blog material. The creativity has eluded me abit.

Like this thing, this thing inside of me, growing, mocking me, making me sick.

I always wondered why my momma doesn’t like us, as in her kids.

I get it now. I understand. I’ll never question it again.

Having a kid is a mission, from the moment you conceive. They make you sick, hugging your toilet is the norm and then you nearly have to die to give birth to the lil brats.

And then after that, they take your money.

So yea, you figured it out. I am not happy.

my conflict

2008-11-18T00:06:00.000-08:00

I despise him, that beautiful face, toned body, the fact that he never messes up. His almost perfect. His never hurt me , not once. Never said anything in anger. I screw him over all the time, it’s in my nature, he forgives, I hate that! He lives in this imaginary world, where everything just works out. Happy endings don’t exist. He doesn’t get that. His ecstatic. Over the moon. His getting what he wants. I knew eventually my neglect behavior would catch up to me. I can never say no to him.

Karma's a bitch.

He forgets that everything is going to change. I’m going to have to sacrifice a lot. It doesn’t really affect him.

He can’t wait. His already got a name for “it”. I hate that!

I have but one, but thats all that i need

2008-11-12T04:33:00.000-08:00

There is one person who challenges my fabulousness. I’ll never admit it to her face. Of course not. You don’t tell your best friend these things. That’s my Liz. But now Liz is something special. Like wear a helmet all the time special.

I joke.

I have known this lil tart since grade school. She went off to a different school and we lost contact but met up again in high school.

High school, that awkward time of boys, zits, partying and insecurities.

She basically taught me everything I know. And well we learnt together.

I learnt how to drink with Liz, how to make a boy lose his mind with Liz, I.ve learnt how to gossip with Liz. I’ve learnt how to mock and belittle people with Liz, I’ve learnt how to always be myself with Liz and I learnt that no matter what there is still one person who always has my back. And that’s Liz.

But we complete opposites and maybe that’s the beauty of it.

As a women who have different female friends that fulfill different purposes. Like the chick that’s my party buddy. We’ll frequent all the night clubs together. She uses me. I get her men. She can’t on her own. She claims to be a friend. She not. I see right through her. But that’s fine, that’s her role in my life.

Then there’s my female Mxit buddies, my great female friends from Technikon, and well my actual sisters who are more like mere acquaintances to me.

In fact I have one sister, and that’s Liz.

She understands me, I understand her.

We can chat whole day and seem to always have something to talk about. I love that! I feel like I have to consult her with everything, and she has to know everything.

The Hulk hates that.

Hulk: “G, damn, you so didn’t have to tell Liz about my toenail problem”

I did.

We never argue.. Well if you count that time I sneaked off with her cousin and made out in her moms spare room and got caught, and she got it trouble for it. Yea if u count that time because she was kinda mad for a good couple of days.

Ahh, my young days.

Most importantly she keeps it real. Always with the truth. The one that can center me.

I could go on, but I won’t. I know the tart is going to pop by and read this.

Then she will get a big head. We don’t want that.

Hey, Liz, u lil retard. I love u!!

Ummm, dude, is'nt the gearbox suppose to be in the car??

2008-11-12T00:33:00.000-08:00

Men. I don’t understand. The hulk bought him a car.

A broken one.

Now, I don’t understand what the intention is. Really. But his like all excited.

Why? BOY, It’s broken!! I tell him. He ain’t listening

“Baby, Ima pimp it, just watch me”

Errr ok.

I figured that his enjoying the whole process of working on it.

I leave him.

I gave him a hug.

Cars are easier to fix than women.

Houston, we have a problem

2008-11-10T22:20:00.000-08:00

Mmm, seems I have a problem on my hands..just a tad of a problem right? Nothing major.

The Hulk silently planted alil seed in me.

Bastard!!

Going to wallow in self pity now..will post details on my blog later.

he must die!

2008-11-10T22:06:00.000-08:00

No one really likes me. Well, the Hulk does, sometimes (When I listen to him).

I contribute everyone’s immense dislike in me to the fact that I’m just that fabulous.

Yes, it is true.

Oh , and I have like great hair..People are soooo itimdated by that.

I realized this all after a convo I had with my dear friend Liz

Liz: “G, do you know that other people can’t understand why we friends?”
Me: “mmmm”
Liz: yea, they all think u stuck-up”
Me: “jealous bitches”
Liz: “no G, seriously.
Me: “oh”

She then went out to elaborate that other people especially women don’t know me the way she does, and once you get past my initial off-putting persona, I’m quite a nice person. Wow- Liz is a great friend.

We all have our “walls” that’s mine ok..now leave me alone.

I guess it sort of originated when I was young, I was quiet and reserved. Too scared to be myself or do the wrong move. Awkward, awkward time.

So now that I’m older my I’m apprehensiveness deems me “stuck-up”.

Shame.

Which brings me to my point,I have this fagget ass accountant man\ something\person on my case at work. Constantly commenting on my work, my performance , everything.

I am cute.

He does not like me.

I want to stab him.

I will do it.

i think too much

2008-11-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

My dreams are always incoherent and just plain weird.

Although I have noticed a thang or two. Whatever has happened during the course of the day or what was on my mind, always seems to be in the dream somehow, not to say it makes sense, they hardly do, but it’s the daily occurrences that feature.

I had a dream last night.

I woke up crying.

First time that has ever happened.

It was about my dad. But funny how my subconscious put these things together.

I was at work, having a celebration with my colleagues, and although it was my colleagues’ faces I was seeing, it was actually my family I was talking to. (As in my dad’s brothers and sisters)

Its funny how the two things at irritate my gag reflex (my dad’s family and my colleagues) the most was put together like that. Quite brilliant.

Anyway I freak out, starting confronting them about how they were ever around when he was alive and why pretend that they even care now. Expect that I saw my dad’s face when talking to my “uncle”. There was screaming and shouting.

Then I woke up.

In tears.

Had to flip the pillow over to the cold side-I hate that.

Change is good

2008-11-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I’m not one of those people that is in tune with the world around me, well, I’m not even in tune with what’s happening in my own country, let alone my city, errr not even my own neighbourhood.

Anyway, I actually tuned in early this morning, to the news (shocking), and well Congrats to the Democrats. Yay for Obama right?!

Considering that America rules the world, it will be interesting to witness the transformation.

Change is good.

romance is for sissy's

2008-10-30T04:11:00.000-07:00

“She could feel the heavy arousal and hunger that tightened his lean, powerful frame. “He was going to take her”.

Exciting heh? A little excerpt from “Loving Evangeline “by Linda Howard, yip you guessed it Mills and Boon. I hate to admit this, but I have a love, hate relationship with M&B for years now.

Besides the fact that the novels are all so superficial, its just the slight feeling of resentment it leaves me with after I finish one. That type of perfect happy ending just doesn’t happen in real life. And yet I'll pick up another and start reading. I’m such a girl. Pure escapism at its best I guess.

Makes me compare The Hulk to Arab sheiks, Brazilian playboys and 19th century English rakes, and he fails miserably. I guess his hot bod has to make up for that then.

So how does this tie in with the subject of the post you ask?

I tell u.

Happy endings, romantic moments all of that: isn’t real life. We know this. I’d probably fall over on my backside if the Hulk had to do something romantic for me (not to say he hasn’t), it’s not his thing, and that’s cool, even If he did, it would be weird!

Might not be my reality, but it exists. So, I’ve got this colleague, Riaan.

There are two things that you need to know about him.

1. His weird. Seriously

2. His an Afrikaner (real Dutchmen)

His originally from Johannesburg, and that happens to be the most cosmopolitan, hip and happening city in South Africa, and his like the complete opposite.

24, deeply religious, a virgin, (yea please note), and very reserved. I contribute his mundane existence probably to the fact that he has had a very sheltered upbringing. But having said that he my buddy and a great colleague. And a perfectionist to the core. Surprisingly his got a girlfriend. His first one .His taken her on helicopter rides, treasure hunts, limo rides, had a video put together, the whole lot.

And his planning to propose.

In the most elaborate way ever.

I think its creepy.

1st his making a leather bound scrapbook, depicting their first meeting up until now, with lil pictures, and ol movie ticket stubs, and other petty items. Ahh cute man. Then his having a handmade chest made, out of Canela Imbuia wood…just ask me why I know this… do it..

Oh, why u ask??

Because I actually went with him to go purchase it. R3000.00 for wood. But I guess that’s nothing if the actual labour is going to cost about R20 000. For a chest. errrr

Well.. I don’t know about his girlfriend, but if that was me screw the chest man, I could do quite a bit with that money.

The scrapbook and the engagement ring (complete with a customized wood carved box) will be placed in the chest.

And then his selling his beautiful black GTI to purchase a cheaper model, and save that money for the wedding.

Maybe his like the perfect man or something?

His probably going to take her to a mountain top and land in via a parachute. You think I joke. But you don’t know this boy. I think after the proposal and wedding he doesn’t have to do anything for the rest of the marriage.

Only in Africa

I was chatting to my boss earlier. Telling him how retarded happy I am that its me and the Hulks two year anniversary today. We keeping it simple, going out for supper, and Mr Boss Man is like, “Well I hope you don’t pull a Riaan on the old chap”.

I now think the Hulks simplicity is great, and Mills and Boon is just about the only romantic thing I need.

Victory is Mine!

2008-10-29T02:09:00.000-07:00

This is like probably one of my proudest moments... yes yes better than meeting the Hulk..

I, Gia have a follower, like a follower, as in someone following my blog..its greatttt!

Hail, AGENT ELLE!!!

*does a little victory dance*

Me in Technicolour

2008-10-29T00:33:00.001-07:00

After fourteen years since South Africa’s, “releasing “Nelson Mandela from prison” and all that jazz, there are still some major discrimination happening..yes yes..I see it.

And being a brown person, we so get the end of the stick all the time. We in the middle, always had been , always will. Well I’m honestly not fazed by all this. Is a power struggle between black and white.

And come to think of it, I’ve never really experienced racism or anything like that in my 22 year existence living in SA, Well if you count that time I was like 2, and my mom wasn’t allowed to sit in a park in the city because it was for “whites” but that so doesn’t count. 1. Because it was so long ago, and 2. Because my momma white, she just wasn’t allowed to sit there with a brown bambino) and since that was in Apartheid times, it’s all irrelevant.

Anyway moral of the story, there is alot of noise being made by SAME, the (South African Movement for Equity) at the moment regarding fair representation of coloureds on the SABC (South African Broadcasting Commission). Basically what SAME wants to achieve is to get the SABC to air shows that coloured people can relate to. This includes shows on TV and Radio.

The following is extracts from a speech, by Ronald Dryers, chairman of SAME. The original text is much longer and makes use of a lot of slang:

I am a Coloured!

I was here before Van Riebeeck came,
I was here roaming all these plains.
I was here when uncle Shaka came,
In this land, long before everyone came, I was the flame!
I owe my being to the Khoi and the San, to the slaves from Java, Madagascar and Batavia. My DNA is richly shaped from the miscegenation of White and Black; the coming together of the Swati and English, Indian and Tsonga, Chinese and Sotho, Boer and Zulu, Venda, Pedi, Tswana, Shangaan, Ndebele, and Xhosa. Yet, those who formed me, deny me - deny me my true freedom, and deny me equality in this my own motherland…

This is who I am, even when I’m alone as a stone: I am a Coloured!

My name, my classification, was willfully and disdainfully bestowed on me, making me the laughing stock as an in-between person – not white enough, not black enough. Yet even the ridiculed name I proudly make my own.

I tell you today, if no one else is this today, I am a Coloured!

No matter what, I remain a Coloured!

All my dreams I am denied, through al die tik-tik gemors en one-sided affirmative action, I find my plight;
denied, excluded, here in your full sight.

Here I stand today, prepared to be what I am, even if my own and other demons I must fight.
I’ll fight you if you want to artificially create another strata of Colouredness;
I’ll fight you if you want to use my people with your empty promises.
I’ll unite my people for their own better good, and get my anties in a better mood.
With all South Africa I want to live in fairness and mutual respect, for after all we’re indeed one big brotherhood.

I accept that none of us is the main-ou, but together we can be the great-ou.

So take my hand and refuse me not, and I’ll help you paint that last lost colour of our rainbow nation.

I am a Coloured!

Through my creolisation I brought you Afrikaans, and some took it from me.
I make you pickle fish like no other. I give you the Cape Coons in all their glamour. And now I take my language back, I re-invent it for all to enjoy…

You can’t wish me away…
You can’t reason me away…
You can’t pray me away…
You can’t toor me away…
You can’t legislate me away…
And hear me well today: You’ll never broadcast my existence away…

And that is why I'm so proud to be who I am. :-)

Fender Bender, Diwali nights, 350z spinning and a two year anni

2008-10-28T04:19:00.000-07:00

In most cases I can just about justify any mistake I have ever made. Fo real. I can do that.

The time I jumped the Hulk for a whole weekend, or when I managed to send out a whole set of incorrect documents to clients.

You see, all justifiable.

Just not now. I won’t even try.

Ask me how it happened and I just cannot tell you.

Well I can I guess…

I am officially as crowned by the Hulk, a Fender Bender.

I dented my ride, coming out of the garage. I reverse out of there all the time, everyday, and Friday I reversed right into the wall. wtf right?

I swear but I cannot get that sound of steel grazing a cement wall out of my head. it happens, I cringe. My momma walks out, looks at me, I look at her, she walks away, I walk away..

So then I called the Hulk in a panicked state, and just like that my problem becomes his, just what men are around for..ahh. His getting it sorted.

I felt like a retard most of the weekend tho, got a slight pain in my stomach every time I looked at that dent.

But *happy days*, moving along

Spent Sunday, Diwali Eve with the Hulk and his family,was goooood. It’s like the whole suburb mostly occupied by Indians anyway celebrate together. Like the whole area man. It’s so cool. I swear I’m getting married in a sari.

Anyway, that was off topic.

The whole crowd went retarded for this lil punk ass 13 year old that was spinning his dads Nissan 350 Z, I literally went home and told my 14 year brother he so has to “come correct” . damn!

Ta taa da daa! Milestone: me and The Hulks two year anniversary on Thursday, phew! Cant believe we made it this far, my inability to listen to him has caused so much problems. Ai but I’m cute , so I win him over all the time.

I’m banking on it!

Ola Pappie

2008-10-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

It happens and they tell you “you must be strong” and “you’ll get over it”, but these words of comfort unintentionally seek to make you feel worse. These words mean nothing. The silence would have been a welcomed escape. There is nothing that could be said in that moment to alleviate the pain, to make your heart beat slower, to bring your breath back, to even stop the tears.

The moment reads like a script. A script to a movie that seems familiar. A movie you have seen before. The sadness, the grief of the characters, but the difference this time is that there’s no famous actors, no well known location. The setting is your home, the characters your family…the scene: YOUR LIFE!

The moment truly surreal. You hear people speak about “out of body experience”, that’s the closest I have gotten to one.

I am here, I am who I am because of my makers, not only my Lord, but my parents. I worshipped the ground he walked on. Adored him, idolised him, the sad reality is I realised all this when he was gone. I can never tell him now. He will never know. You speak about a God, that SAME God took him away, what is so fair about that. You can say I lost faith. I would agree.

A man who lived for his family. Who strived for greatness and achieved it all on his own. He instilled a sense of independence in his offspring.

“Father (verb)
Transitive and intransitive verb to act as a father to somebody, especially by giving advice, comfort, and protection”

He was a profound individual whose mere presence had an impact; he need not have to speak to inflict a cause. His eyes and his actions spoke his inner thoughts. He is now the enigma that I will never get to truly know.

I want him back; given the opportunity I would sacrifice my own existence for his rightful place as the head of our family. God takes the good ones.
He suffered, he was in pain. When it happened I was glad that his pain was gone, his agony subsided. Seeing him in that state was heartache, your own emotions shocking. A feeling of resentment I am ashamed to admit.

The night before his passing I knew, we all knew it was time. We prayed and awoke the next morning to a soul rousing bawl from my mother. I can still hear it at times.
I will admit that I have accepted it, but no, I will never get over it. I choose not to. It’s my link to the memories of him, my connection to the man that he was, still is.

You live, you breathe, you survive…no no I exist but my sadness remains. It’s like a shadow over me constantly. There are times it subsides, fades for awhile but it always remains, It fact it never leaves.

He would be so proud of us, I know he would, And Sanchez is getting so big now...Real smartass! ;)

His gone physically, I get that but his here in my heart, in my dreams, in my thoughts, and for now that all that matters.

all the things I'd say

2008-10-22T03:26:00.000-07:00

I’d tell him what a great dad he was,
And that he was a hard worker, I see that now
Late nights, with the accompanying drone (drone? Or was it more like a murmur) of that machine.
We’d become so accustomed to it as a family,
I’d sleep right through it.
I’d tell momma not to complain when he slept right through the weekend.
Or complain that his workshop was always dirty,
it was but hey.
I’d get up and help him when he was out in the yard, He did a good job-
I know that now,
Because G sucks at it!
I’d be more eager to help him with his parcels every evening after work,
I use to dodge him. I let the boys to do
Oh! And I loved our one-sided conversations I would have with him,
when I blabbered on for 15minutes and all he would do is hod his head,
I’d tell him that I secretly loved it!
I’d tell him that I loved him getting the paper on Sundays mornings,
And that I loved holidays which him, especially Christmas.
I hate holidays now,
And that I loved the fact that he liked loud music
Because our house was always alive then.

And how he always defended us (his messed up kids) even if we were wrong,
And how he spoilt me,
but that was our secret.
O and how he spoilt Matthew
He misses that now
And that even Snowy waited for him every evening,
That was cute
And he walked so damn fast, it’s so in me.
I have his pace now..
And I’d tell him I loved how he spoilt Momma,
And that he put up with her (that wasn’t easy to do)
And how he never complained, well he did to Momma
Never in front of us.

I’d asked him to forgive me for resenting him when he got sick
And I tell him I love the fact that he visits me in my dreams
I love it!
I’d tell him I’ll sacrifice myself to have him back.
My existence is trivial.
But ultimately I’d tell him I miss him,
And that I need him.
I’d say that we all do.

Chairman- excuse the pun

2008-10-22T01:52:00.001-07:00

I just had to share this with the rest of the world.

Funny moment of the week.

I just about love the presenter, very professional, she didn't even flinch, brilliant!

oh and this was a live broadcast. whooopsie!

i dont like this...

2008-10-20T02:12:00.000-07:00

I’m riding home, I see it,Banners, get emails about it, log onto Facebook and it’s there. Event invites. It just about irritates my gag reflex. Really.

Mmm, I don’t like this.

The last time I checked, this was South Africa, as in Africa and I don’t know why anyone here should celebrate Halloween. Whats up with all this colonization?? That holiday means absolutely nothing to me as a coloured South Africa women, argh!! I hate it. I just don’t see the point in embracing it.

oh n mind you I did my research, it doesn’t even originate in America (as I initially thought) , dates back to old Celtic times, yip, European.

Well..I’ll probably end up going to that club. But I won’t like it!

introducing the "Firefly"

2008-10-16T22:56:00.000-07:00

I discovered this lil invention yesterday, quite ironic, as it so totally backs up my previous post about Mxit. It’s called the “firefly”. A simple voice only mobile phone, with just five keys that families can use to keep it contact. I think it’s ideal. Take away the internet enable phones parents give their 12 year olds, ( not that they would like that- but hey, that’s not the point) and this cute alil bugger serves a purpose.

Aha!

mxit makes me happy

2008-10-16T05:05:00.000-07:00

I love Mxit. I won’t even deny it. It’s a part of my life. I can eat and Mxit. Study and Mxit. Talk and Mxit. Hell, I could probably even sex and Mxit. (Yes I said it) I’ve even been in company when you mxiting to the person sitting next to you. It’s a wonderful thing I tell you.

(Click here for some more technical info)

Come to think of it the Hulk asked me out over Mxit. We have even had our most open and honest conversations through Mxit.

I cringe everything time I hear some disturbed parent blaming Mxit for their child’s delinquency. First and foremost what exactly is a 12 year old doing with a cellphone with internet access anyway? I know technology has allowed communication to be easy accessible but I’ll stick to my old school morals and say a child is a child. No need to be hooking them up with those things just yet.

And for any kid that turns into some total anti-social retard, I blame the parents…again!

I’ll admit I’m always online, to the point that I get calls or sms’ asking if I’m ok because I haven’t been online whole day, it’s nice having people around that cares.
So it’s got its pros and cons, and sometimes it can be a major issue in a relationship, ask me I know, lost count on the numbers of times the Hulk has tried to ban me from using it. But ssshhhh I defy him. (All the time, but hey that’s a whole other blog post)

But it changes you completely. I have seen how complete cynics will become addicted, and how quickly peeps become depended on it. Under the right condition, Mxit is perfectly normal and a harmless way to be in contact with others.

And I really don’t know why the Hulk freaks out about my Mxit addiction. The first thing he asked me like ever, oh I remember the scene. I walked pass him in a club, and he grabs my arm to get my attention and I look up at this retarded dude just about ready to give him the lecture of his life. Because I mean now no one grabs hold of me like that. And then I look into the face of the most gorgeous man in the world.

I salivate…

He: “Are you on Mxit?”

Me: uh uh (and I give him the number)

So my point is, Mxit helped, it is vital. I needed it. Hulk needed it.

Its just that I still need it, Hulk has since lost all interest in it. Which is good, because all his used it for back then was as a means to pick up women and since he has me now theses absolutely no need for it. None!

That’s him sorted, but me? Nope, its is still my primary means of communication with my family, friends, colleagues even. And no one is going to persuade me otherwise.

Oh look, Liz has logged on, g2g :-)

The Gym? nah!

2008-10-15T04:05:00.000-07:00

So, Saturday I went for a job interview. I’m just about fed up with the hellhole I’m working at now. The shadiness I’m afraid is going to engulf me. It’s all about the paper boo-boo. Some marketing and sales related thing at,

Wait for it:

Virgin Active

As in the gym.

Gym is a weird place,no?

That was my first experience ever. I mean I’m always telling Hulk that I want to join; you know purely to keep fit. Oh, and the fact that it just seems like a cool thing to do and I’m a cool person, so it just goes.

Well Hulk keeps telling me to join his gym and I’m like:”noooo”

That’s so not happening, like ever. The thing he doesn’t realize is that his gyming is “his thing” I don’t want to be all up in his space. It would just be weird, me n my Hulk gyming together. No man!

But Anyway, back to my point, is it maybe just that particular gym, or a general thing? I wouldn’t know, but everyone was so morbid really. Gloomy and ominous. Even the people that works there. Not exactly selling the concept at all.

I was kept waiting for a couple of minutes, and had to endure screwed looks from the members as I sat looking very professional and very out of place. And then I get interviewed by two chicks that looked like they could do with a run or two on a treadmill.

Not too eager about the job anymore tho. I would be part of a team of five. Five women. uh huh..women? Nope that ain’t happening, women don’t like me, how could I possible survive working with them. Oh and they were all coloured. That would mean they are conniving, manipulative and scheming, just like myself.

I prefer to keep the peace.

Life Lesson # 35

2008-10-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

So , I’ve learnt one thing from working here, to get ahead in life , you need to “hustle”

I'm serious.

I work with people that preach the word of God and get together in the morning for prayer meetings, then in the same way they turn around and stab others in the back, lie , cheat and steal. All in the name of business right? I'm not so sure about that.

I don’t have a problem with shadiness…don’t get me wrong (I’m coloured after all) but just don't be a…

Hypocrite!

It sickens me..literally. ( although it can be quite amusing to witness all of it.)

And the real genuine good people, what do they get out of it? Absolutely nothing!

But karma, or whatever you want to call it comes back, and when it hits, it hits hard.

Ha! Whow..I was deep there

Anyway, where can I get a Hustle: 101 manual??

Oh No! He did'nt!

2008-10-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what it is about foreigners that think they can do and say whatever.

No dudes..

This is South Africa, the most close-minded and self-centered people on the world reside here

We really don’t care what you have to say.

Especially me!

So, yesterday right, I’m on the phone, minding my own business, using company time to chat to my favourite ho, and our resident scientist( who happens to be just about the weirdest man ever and comes from American or Ireland..i dunno wtf-something like that) walks right up to me n says I’m being loud!

I pause for a second.

*gasp*

Yes, I’m loud, but I don’t need him telling me that.

And besides what double standing is that anyway?

Everyone here is loud, why single out me? Mnh! The nerve!

So now I have lost all respect for him (not that that there was any to begin with. I don’t bond very well with people- that’s just how I roll)

And I refuse to acknowledge or greet him in the office corridors

Ha! That will teach him…