How i really feel

[**Disclaimer**] Ok, so that is the whiner in me, complaining again. I knew what I was getting myself in to. So now its time to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and deal with it! Right? Fuck I’ve never needed a shot of Captain this bad before!

“You see what love does G” said my mom to me the other night. She couldn’t be more right. It’s all the Hulks fault anyway. Stupid man!

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The benefits on the whole blog experience is the it allows for totally honesty, well that’s if u want it to be, for me it is. No one besides my best mate has read these thoughts, thank goodness for that in fact. Because this words would never be said anywhere else.

Words can flow right through me, I’m good at it, I just can’t right now, I need some inspiration and no the baby isn’t enough. This baby can’t be all that there is too me right now. Is it? I need to write , I need to express myself but I can’t. I just can’t.

That’s a sad realization. Do I, as a women, just give up my identify and become a mother. Is the transformation that evident? It seems to be all I think about, all I discuss, this really can’t be the only thing defining my existence at the moment?

I feel like I’m waiting in limbo till this whole ghastly (yes ghastly) experience of pregnancy is over. I never ever intend to be in this situation again. Oh , I know women say that all the time, but I mean it! Whole heartily! Images of blissful, happy contempt pregnant women is a lie, really it is, print media have deceived us again! Pregnancy is really a horrible experience. The sickness, to the pain , to the uncomfort. Everything.

Oh , I comfort myself by the belief that it will all be worth it! In the end, but unfortunately that end is over 5 months away, and that is a long time.

I was so ignorant. My older wiser self mocks me. I thought I could do this, I can’t. In fact I don’t want too.