Wtf? Where am i?
I’m back, well sort of, k, its not like anyone reads this shit anyway.
A lot has happened. Evidently.
Baby has popped. Lil D is three months old. Imagine that!
She is fat,really.. I think she have problems.
The birth was an anti-climax. I had images of crippling pain that would bring me to my knees, sweating and panting through contractions.
Err
Nope.
Nothing….
I spent my entire labour or well the time in the anti-natal ward on Mxit and Facebook, while making notes of everything that happened. Painful. Yes but not unbearable.
Nurses kept mocking me, Told me to pretend to be in labour since I acted so casual. Was wheeled into labour ward at 07:00 am and baby was out by 07:09am. Yes that quick!
I now believe that as women we determine how our labour is gona be, If you gona bitch and moan about the pain, that’s exactly how it gona be.
Maybe the raspberry leaf tea I was downing at regular intervals helped but wateva my labour was relatively easy. And No, not even that will make me want another one. HELL no! I ain’t putting my body through that again, but having said that: I JUST LOVE MY LIL GIRL, she is just gorgeous. GOD IS GOOD.
Tuesday, October 20
Friday, February 20
Why my brother is my BFF
yes my BFF..i stil use those terms.
Found this in my lil bros journal. i guess it was intentionally placed on his memory card for me to read..
18-02-2009
Aaaah how the days go by so quick hey. Hi my name is Gerard and Iam here to express who Iam.
Few days ago my sister told me that she is pregnant…..mmmm damn how many thoughts ran through my mind, didn’t know what too think, was sad confused and disappointed in a way, I cant explain. When she told me, everything stood in slow mo and the things she did came to sense, I know she was acting different and all that but I never would have thought she pregnant. Always checked nah it just D**** giving her grieve for a while , O how a poes I felt when I always was the initiator for her to do something come the weekend I understand now only…. I know I can make up for not being supportive and there for her.
Iam gonna do everything in my power and what I can do for my sister , I might lack the age but I know her road gonna be a hard one due to our family that is full of comments and nope not talking about my close family but the family that come once a year to devour what we have. What shocks me is that fact my mother is taking this like its a new born of hers , I truly watch them talk and I sit there with a half a smile and a bomb going off in my head. I take it my mother knew what was coming…it the only way.
G***** told me that mama had a dream of father holding a baby….
A blessing I say. I just want the child too be brought up in a family that has strength and devine power for this is what we have gained after the years . The baby has be our start, a new start maybe for some good the baby might,,, wait… gonna bring us closer together, G***** the first too carry on my fathers legacy. I thank her for this and stand tall as I can say the blood and flesh shall be born pure with a confidence of G****** and the soft heart of D*****.
I can only look back and wonder why didn’t I pick up the signs before?? Guess it was not my time yet or just that I really didn’t take notice, whatever the reason I know what I have to do. Be with my sister and show her just how much I care and adore her for the woman she has come, went passed my expectations, she’s a star in her own right yep she is……
Iam gonna let my sister read this and when she gets too this point I hope she smiling atleast ….This is just the beginning of my dairy and the next time I write iam taking it back too my childhood…………Nuthing shall forestall my return.
Found this in my lil bros journal. i guess it was intentionally placed on his memory card for me to read..
18-02-2009
Aaaah how the days go by so quick hey. Hi my name is Gerard and Iam here to express who Iam.
Few days ago my sister told me that she is pregnant…..mmmm damn how many thoughts ran through my mind, didn’t know what too think, was sad confused and disappointed in a way, I cant explain. When she told me, everything stood in slow mo and the things she did came to sense, I know she was acting different and all that but I never would have thought she pregnant. Always checked nah it just D**** giving her grieve for a while , O how a poes I felt when I always was the initiator for her to do something come the weekend I understand now only…. I know I can make up for not being supportive and there for her.
Iam gonna do everything in my power and what I can do for my sister , I might lack the age but I know her road gonna be a hard one due to our family that is full of comments and nope not talking about my close family but the family that come once a year to devour what we have. What shocks me is that fact my mother is taking this like its a new born of hers , I truly watch them talk and I sit there with a half a smile and a bomb going off in my head. I take it my mother knew what was coming…it the only way.
G***** told me that mama had a dream of father holding a baby….
A blessing I say. I just want the child too be brought up in a family that has strength and devine power for this is what we have gained after the years . The baby has be our start, a new start maybe for some good the baby might,,, wait… gonna bring us closer together, G***** the first too carry on my fathers legacy. I thank her for this and stand tall as I can say the blood and flesh shall be born pure with a confidence of G****** and the soft heart of D*****.
I can only look back and wonder why didn’t I pick up the signs before?? Guess it was not my time yet or just that I really didn’t take notice, whatever the reason I know what I have to do. Be with my sister and show her just how much I care and adore her for the woman she has come, went passed my expectations, she’s a star in her own right yep she is……
Iam gonna let my sister read this and when she gets too this point I hope she smiling atleast ….This is just the beginning of my dairy and the next time I write iam taking it back too my childhood…………Nuthing shall forestall my return.
Thursday, February 19
How i really feel
[**Disclaimer**] Ok, so that is the whiner in me, complaining again. I knew what I was getting myself in to. So now its time to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and deal with it! Right? Fuck I’ve never needed a shot of Captain this bad before!
“You see what love does G” said my mom to me the other night. She couldn’t be more right. It’s all the Hulks fault anyway. Stupid man!
---------
The benefits on the whole blog experience is the it allows for totally honesty, well that’s if u want it to be, for me it is. No one besides my best mate has read these thoughts, thank goodness for that in fact. Because this words would never be said anywhere else.
Words can flow right through me, I’m good at it, I just can’t right now, I need some inspiration and no the baby isn’t enough. This baby can’t be all that there is too me right now. Is it? I need to write , I need to express myself but I can’t. I just can’t.
That’s a sad realization. Do I, as a women, just give up my identify and become a mother. Is the transformation that evident? It seems to be all I think about, all I discuss, this really can’t be the only thing defining my existence at the moment?
I feel like I’m waiting in limbo till this whole ghastly (yes ghastly) experience of pregnancy is over. I never ever intend to be in this situation again. Oh , I know women say that all the time, but I mean it! Whole heartily! Images of blissful, happy contempt pregnant women is a lie, really it is, print media have deceived us again! Pregnancy is really a horrible experience. The sickness, to the pain , to the uncomfort. Everything.
Oh , I comfort myself by the belief that it will all be worth it! In the end, but unfortunately that end is over 5 months away, and that is a long time.
I was so ignorant. My older wiser self mocks me. I thought I could do this, I can’t. In fact I don’t want too.
“You see what love does G” said my mom to me the other night. She couldn’t be more right. It’s all the Hulks fault anyway. Stupid man!
---------
The benefits on the whole blog experience is the it allows for totally honesty, well that’s if u want it to be, for me it is. No one besides my best mate has read these thoughts, thank goodness for that in fact. Because this words would never be said anywhere else.
Words can flow right through me, I’m good at it, I just can’t right now, I need some inspiration and no the baby isn’t enough. This baby can’t be all that there is too me right now. Is it? I need to write , I need to express myself but I can’t. I just can’t.
That’s a sad realization. Do I, as a women, just give up my identify and become a mother. Is the transformation that evident? It seems to be all I think about, all I discuss, this really can’t be the only thing defining my existence at the moment?
I feel like I’m waiting in limbo till this whole ghastly (yes ghastly) experience of pregnancy is over. I never ever intend to be in this situation again. Oh , I know women say that all the time, but I mean it! Whole heartily! Images of blissful, happy contempt pregnant women is a lie, really it is, print media have deceived us again! Pregnancy is really a horrible experience. The sickness, to the pain , to the uncomfort. Everything.
Oh , I comfort myself by the belief that it will all be worth it! In the end, but unfortunately that end is over 5 months away, and that is a long time.
I was so ignorant. My older wiser self mocks me. I thought I could do this, I can’t. In fact I don’t want too.
Wednesday, February 4
4 months and counting
I'm just about sure Ima be typing this and shedding at tear.
Yes I’m girl like that.
Sometimes life and the people that occupy it with you, surprise you ,and that love really does make everything just ok.
Oh god! I’m starting already, eyes swelling up.
Breathe.
My family knows about my pregnancy, and they support me. Shocking.
And my mom, well I love that women.
She figured it out. Damn her, and just asked me, and we spoke it out.. She cried , I cried. We hugged.
And then suddenly my belly just popped out more.
She told me my dad told her in her dreams, and well I believe that completely.
Oooh and well the Hulk, he ain’t getting it easy, he tried talking to my mom, she threw him with a brick. That attempt wasn’t successful. I feel for him, he has a lot to prove to her now.
“You see the character of a man”, in situations like this, my older sister told me, and I guess she’s right. No one is pressurizing me to get married to him; I know that we will eventually, it’s just a matter of us proving that we dedicated to each other and the baby.
Yes I’m girl like that.
Sometimes life and the people that occupy it with you, surprise you ,and that love really does make everything just ok.
Oh god! I’m starting already, eyes swelling up.
Breathe.
My family knows about my pregnancy, and they support me. Shocking.
And my mom, well I love that women.
She figured it out. Damn her, and just asked me, and we spoke it out.. She cried , I cried. We hugged.
And then suddenly my belly just popped out more.
She told me my dad told her in her dreams, and well I believe that completely.
Oooh and well the Hulk, he ain’t getting it easy, he tried talking to my mom, she threw him with a brick. That attempt wasn’t successful. I feel for him, he has a lot to prove to her now.
“You see the character of a man”, in situations like this, my older sister told me, and I guess she’s right. No one is pressurizing me to get married to him; I know that we will eventually, it’s just a matter of us proving that we dedicated to each other and the baby.
Tuesday, January 27
Interesting point
Dear Lee-Anne, Vuyo and the SABC ,
With regard to the letter read out by yourselves 2 days ago from the Hispanic American lady regarding the origins of Barrack Obama and his race group, I think she has a point.
Barrack Obama and Lewis Hamilton are a mixed race between a white mother and a black father thus making them in South Africa a coloured male, however this is not the case.
Too often is the coloured population disregarded as an authentic race in South Africa, and who gave the black population the right to adopt us as their own, when it conveniently benefits them. I deal a lot with the state in terms of business and to register with the state one has to fill out entity forms which has a column for EE. This column clearly requires one to identify yourself in terms of racial group: I for Indian, C for Coloured, B for Black and W for White and probably soon they will put CH for Chinese. When one goes to the police station to report a crime one has to clearly stipulate which racial group was the perpertrator, then why is it that we differ for convenience. When Chester Williams, Breyton Paulse and Brian Habana won the South African Rugby Player of the year awards they were branded as blacks as well as when Brian Habana won the world player of the year award. So in essence no black man has won the rugby player of the year award yet!!!
The coloured and black populations in SA are clearly 2 different race groups in terms of values, culture, etc. We even have different diets, we still enjoy our koeksisters on Sunday mornings. Even a Chinese person who arrived in SA 2 months ago will distinguish the difference. Maybe we are branded black because the Chinese people for BBBEE purposes need to be branded Coloured. The only bond between us is one of inception which happened 300 years ago and even then it was between 2 racial groups, so why don’t they call us whites as some of us are whiter than the whites. Some of us are the mixture of Indian and Coloured, Indian and White, Coloured and White, Coloured and Chinese, Chinese and Chinese and so on.
The coloured man has achieved much recently and should be credited for his achievements. The Brazilian soccer team are mostly coloured folks, the Botswana president is coloured, Lewis Hamilton is coloured and the most powerful man in the world, Barrack Obama, is coloured. If the ANC got their act together they could have a coloured man who can lead them with integrity, vision and great leadership, namely Trevor Manual.
If the entire world has realized that a coloured man can lead them forward don’t you think it’s time for the SABC to at least put one coloured on morning live during the week. I’ve watched your show since its inception and as much as you preach rainbow nation, its still black and white. If Lee-Anne resigns she will be replaced by another white person, If Vuyo resigns he too will be replaced with a black person and this has been happening for years. Even the weather desk, economics desk and sports desk are the same. Almost 90% of your adverts are black and white. On one occasion your TV license guys turned up at my door and asked why I didn’t pay to which I responded “ I bought a color TV and only see black and white on it” Why don’t you have all four races represented in the morning? It becomes very difficult for me to explain to my sons why you people have such disregard for his race group and a race group that I am proud of and this being the motive for the letter. I’m sure you don’t call a Jewish man a Palestinian although they are cousins both coming from Abraham so why then make this convenient error with us. We are 2 different race groups.
We live in a country where it feels as if someone waved a magic wand and everybody forgot that there are coloured people living here. Please don’t forget to take the Brazilian team to visit their brothers in Eldorado Park, Wentworth and Manenburg when they jet in for the Confederation Cup and World Cup as the only place famous people are taken to is Soweto. Maybe also have a good look at them and try to see the difference, you will be astonished.
Concerned coloured,
With regard to the letter read out by yourselves 2 days ago from the Hispanic American lady regarding the origins of Barrack Obama and his race group, I think she has a point.
Barrack Obama and Lewis Hamilton are a mixed race between a white mother and a black father thus making them in South Africa a coloured male, however this is not the case.
Too often is the coloured population disregarded as an authentic race in South Africa, and who gave the black population the right to adopt us as their own, when it conveniently benefits them. I deal a lot with the state in terms of business and to register with the state one has to fill out entity forms which has a column for EE. This column clearly requires one to identify yourself in terms of racial group: I for Indian, C for Coloured, B for Black and W for White and probably soon they will put CH for Chinese. When one goes to the police station to report a crime one has to clearly stipulate which racial group was the perpertrator, then why is it that we differ for convenience. When Chester Williams, Breyton Paulse and Brian Habana won the South African Rugby Player of the year awards they were branded as blacks as well as when Brian Habana won the world player of the year award. So in essence no black man has won the rugby player of the year award yet!!!
The coloured and black populations in SA are clearly 2 different race groups in terms of values, culture, etc. We even have different diets, we still enjoy our koeksisters on Sunday mornings. Even a Chinese person who arrived in SA 2 months ago will distinguish the difference. Maybe we are branded black because the Chinese people for BBBEE purposes need to be branded Coloured. The only bond between us is one of inception which happened 300 years ago and even then it was between 2 racial groups, so why don’t they call us whites as some of us are whiter than the whites. Some of us are the mixture of Indian and Coloured, Indian and White, Coloured and White, Coloured and Chinese, Chinese and Chinese and so on.
The coloured man has achieved much recently and should be credited for his achievements. The Brazilian soccer team are mostly coloured folks, the Botswana president is coloured, Lewis Hamilton is coloured and the most powerful man in the world, Barrack Obama, is coloured. If the ANC got their act together they could have a coloured man who can lead them with integrity, vision and great leadership, namely Trevor Manual.
If the entire world has realized that a coloured man can lead them forward don’t you think it’s time for the SABC to at least put one coloured on morning live during the week. I’ve watched your show since its inception and as much as you preach rainbow nation, its still black and white. If Lee-Anne resigns she will be replaced by another white person, If Vuyo resigns he too will be replaced with a black person and this has been happening for years. Even the weather desk, economics desk and sports desk are the same. Almost 90% of your adverts are black and white. On one occasion your TV license guys turned up at my door and asked why I didn’t pay to which I responded “ I bought a color TV and only see black and white on it” Why don’t you have all four races represented in the morning? It becomes very difficult for me to explain to my sons why you people have such disregard for his race group and a race group that I am proud of and this being the motive for the letter. I’m sure you don’t call a Jewish man a Palestinian although they are cousins both coming from Abraham so why then make this convenient error with us. We are 2 different race groups.
We live in a country where it feels as if someone waved a magic wand and everybody forgot that there are coloured people living here. Please don’t forget to take the Brazilian team to visit their brothers in Eldorado Park, Wentworth and Manenburg when they jet in for the Confederation Cup and World Cup as the only place famous people are taken to is Soweto. Maybe also have a good look at them and try to see the difference, you will be astonished.
Concerned coloured,
Monday, January 12
ima fader
oh yes i am,
Christmas and New Years has come and gone, everything is back to normal, yes the Hulk has become more annoying, ( i swear ima spit out alil green baby) and i have yet to spill the beans to my Momma...
I'm scared shitless ok..
Christmas and New Years has come and gone, everything is back to normal, yes the Hulk has become more annoying, ( i swear ima spit out alil green baby) and i have yet to spill the beans to my Momma...
I'm scared shitless ok..
Wednesday, December 10
Beating my momma
So me moms is bitter, always had been, always will.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that If I want to have a good festive this year, I mustn’t upset her.
Yes.
Last year December we never spoke, can’t recall why, but she pissed me off for some reason, and I just never engaged in conversation till like Christmas Eve, where we were both civil enough to let it slide, and then in March for my birthday, she f***d that up for me as well. Never spoke for weeks too. And subsequently because we weren’t speaking I never told her about the Hulk proposing to me, and she found out waya waya, and freaked out, but hey,that’s a hole different story.
Then I had a shitty Easter because she did sum shit to f*** it up.
But it’s ok that’s just her.
And since I’m planting the mother of all bombs after new year’s, look Ma: I’m pregnant! I’ve decided not to react negatively to anything she does. Because despite the fact that our lives haven’t been the same since my dad passed, I ACTUALLY love Christmas. I do, everything about it!
It’s just different from any other holiday..more so ,, I love the atmosphere.
The vibe, the feeling of it.
Lights , Christmas trees, decorations,food ,the new clothes, the prezzies, all of that.
And this year, I just want to enjoy! I think I deserve that!
I don’t doubt my mother’s intelligence for a second. We have been having odd conversations later. About pregnancy and birth, a lot. And she asked me jokily Monday evening if I’m pregnant, because I mentioned to her I was sick. I just quickly diverted that conversation by giving her chocolate.
mmmmm
I’m two months already, and I nearly died of slow poison by having to undress in front of her, we shared a dressing room in some department store, while looking for outfits for a wedding we going too. And our intention is to be better dressed than the bride, yes that’s how we roll. It’s disturbing how similar we are, maybe that’s why we can’t stand each other.
Err off topic, anyway I don’t think she noticed anything, I’m not even showing yet, but maybe shes picking up on vibes, I don’t know.
Hope not!
Just this once I hope her “momma” psych ain’t working…she can’t beat me again!
So I’ve come to the conclusion that If I want to have a good festive this year, I mustn’t upset her.
Yes.
Last year December we never spoke, can’t recall why, but she pissed me off for some reason, and I just never engaged in conversation till like Christmas Eve, where we were both civil enough to let it slide, and then in March for my birthday, she f***d that up for me as well. Never spoke for weeks too. And subsequently because we weren’t speaking I never told her about the Hulk proposing to me, and she found out waya waya, and freaked out, but hey,that’s a hole different story.
Then I had a shitty Easter because she did sum shit to f*** it up.
But it’s ok that’s just her.
And since I’m planting the mother of all bombs after new year’s, look Ma: I’m pregnant! I’ve decided not to react negatively to anything she does. Because despite the fact that our lives haven’t been the same since my dad passed, I ACTUALLY love Christmas. I do, everything about it!
It’s just different from any other holiday..more so ,, I love the atmosphere.
The vibe, the feeling of it.
Lights , Christmas trees, decorations,food ,the new clothes, the prezzies, all of that.
And this year, I just want to enjoy! I think I deserve that!
I don’t doubt my mother’s intelligence for a second. We have been having odd conversations later. About pregnancy and birth, a lot. And she asked me jokily Monday evening if I’m pregnant, because I mentioned to her I was sick. I just quickly diverted that conversation by giving her chocolate.
mmmmm
I’m two months already, and I nearly died of slow poison by having to undress in front of her, we shared a dressing room in some department store, while looking for outfits for a wedding we going too. And our intention is to be better dressed than the bride, yes that’s how we roll. It’s disturbing how similar we are, maybe that’s why we can’t stand each other.
Err off topic, anyway I don’t think she noticed anything, I’m not even showing yet, but maybe shes picking up on vibes, I don’t know.
Hope not!
Just this once I hope her “momma” psych ain’t working…she can’t beat me again!
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